walking next to you...

so the air quality here in yucaipa seems to be getting more and more terrible by the hour or something like that. i saw 9 firetrucks today, one right after the other, heading up the hill. there are TWO fires now and really if it would just rain, that would be so amazing. come rain come...

i just ordered these:
which basically means that i will be starting soon! i am so excited! i told my friend nick that i was going to be tapping and he said it is too late for me. he said Olympians begin when they are 10 or something. i frowned for a moment and realized NO, it is not too late for me, i don't want to be in the olympics:)...plus, i don't think there is a tap category...but i may be wrong...but i don't think so:)

keep this place in your prayers over the next few days. there is a fire and it is getting closer to the farms and homes and what a terrible thing it would be... well, i will just say that because hopefully it will end before it gets there.

these past few...WEEKS...have been so draining for me. i feel like i have fallen off the face of this planet into an unknown location. there have been so many things going on, things that i have no control of, and sometimes i just feel like my mind is escaping me and it is the most unpleasant feeling.

as much as i want to say i am completely and utterly miserable that would be a lie. i am not. even with all of the blah things that have been happening, i have peace about it. i want to be so angry sometimes, even cry...scream...but my urges to do so are being contained and i am so grateful for that. i think we all hit rough spots and sometimes it just takes a bit of time to get out of them and that is a-ok.

well, i found something to do that kinda makes me smile and it is a little funny:) i have been doing it for the past two days and i really enjoy it and i am going to be making a few a day, or at least try to, for the next year to get to one thousand. where am i going to put them??? in jars, on dressers, hang them even:) 'what are they?' you may be wondering... origami birds of course:)
the traditional paper crane.
you can make owls! hello!

ps...i am going to be taking a sewing class soon...possibly joining a sewing club...and tap dance...:)

do you ever feel so sleepy that it almost hurts? i am there. besides the hour nap i just had, the last sleep i had was the night before last...which means i have been awake since 5am yesterday morning...ouch:( when i put the reason you are going to want to chuckle but resist the temptation because it is a real issue for me:) i had a cup of black tea last night at 6 and the caffeine kept me going throughout the night. crazy, right? but oh so true. i crawled into bed last night and laid there telling myself to sleep. the hours started rolling by. it was 12:30am and soon it became 1:46am and after the clock moved along to 2:15am followed by 3:20am and a final 4:50am when i just couldn't take it anymore. i rolled out of bed, got ready for work and...worked for a VERY painful eight hours today. i just woke up from a short nap and everything in me is telling me to forget class tonight but that won't be happening due to a presentation i have.

please share some happy thoughts. they can be jokes or memories or things you are looking forward to or something that just came to mind or perhaps a fun photo you just saw or you can tell me about a song you like. just give me something please.

it has been quite a week for me and i need a break...you can help...and i hope you do.

(owl kite)

i think i know some unhappy people and it is so unfortunate and catching me by surprise. i am working on my tpa right now, fun no, but i must finish it by 4pm so i am just working away. i get antsy when i do homework so i always have to take little breaks...and this is one:)

i went to work for a couple hours this morning and realized that some people that come in must be unhappy people or something because they poke fun at helpless people:( i know that sounds so terrible of me to point out but actually witnessing it today gave me the shivers, it upset me. which is not something that happens often. there was a young homeless girl that came in the morning because a couple friends offered to buy her coffee, really nice guys. she came in and honestly, she was the sweetest gal. she is just living a rough life and it isn't for me to judge. when she headed towards the door one of our customers came up and asked me where we find "those" kinds of people. i nearly chocked on the air i was breathing...yikes. she had not even walked outside yet. with a confused look on my face i answered back by saying i didn't understand what "those" kinds of people were. i don't think that sat well with him because he turned around and walked away...

when another man walked over to sit at the table she had sat at, he took the chair she sat on and moved it to a different table and put a different one in its place... as he was doing so he looked up and said, "well, i don't know where that 'thing' has been." AHHH...at that moment i wanted to scream and cry at that same time. i got shivers up my spine and felt like i was going to throw up a little.

i know i am far from perfection and that is something that i accept and am grateful for because the Lord is constantly able to grow me and teach me daily...that would not be the case if i was a perfect being...it would be unnecessary. but i try to be obedient the best i can and i know how the Lord has a heart for the poor. there is tons of Scripture to back that up. she is a human and this guy called her a 'thing'. she so enjoyed her cup of coffee and talking about chocolate cover ants and my heart was sad that she heard these guys call her a 'thing' as she left. i can't imagine what she must already feel like living away from her family, if she has one, all alone on the streets. how lonely and afraid she must be and how the last thing she needs is for someone to call her a 'thing'. it makes her an object, less than human:(

but she isn't, she is a person...as much of a person as you and me and the rest of us. i don't know how she ended up in the streets but that isn't for me to judge and it doesn't make her any less of a human. Even with faith aside, it seems so wrong on a moral level to act in that way.

i guess i am just writing this because it really made me think about my own actions. i think we have all done things we are not proud of, especially things against our fellow man. and from personal experience, that kind of stuff sticks with you for a long time. we are supposed to help each other not knock each other down. we are to show each other that there is a greater love out there, something bigger than all of us. and this includes those less fortunate. we aren't supposed to prejudge who these less fortunate folks are, how they got to where they are, or what they will do with money if we give it to them. we are just supposed to give. and if we don't give, we shouldn't say it is their fault that we don't give them money...lets just leave it alone and go on our way. it just made me really check myself because i am going to be held responsible for what i do with my time, money, and everything. others will be held responsible for what they choose to do with what they are given. and honestly, i am ok with that...i am ok with not being the final word, it takes a whole lot off of my shoulders:)

oh how i hope that no one is offended by this. if i have stepped on any toes, i apologize truly. it is not meant to offend, it is just something that i experienced today, something that made me think.

i hope we all experience goodness today, in one way or another. i already have:) back to work friends, back to work:)

to you:) i hope you all enjoyed this day. mine was an interesting one. it started of with a bit of work followed by a funeral followed by a little nap followed by a little shopping and ready for bedtime.
next week i am taking my sewing machine to the sewing machine shop downtown. i need to get the thing fixed so that i can actually use it. i did make a little flower and sewed it onto a dress and i like it so much but it was by hand and i am ready to use the machine because i have tons of lovely fabrics lying around ready to be pretty things:)
tomorrow is going to be so lovely, busy but lovely. i will be seeing robyn and our college roommate jess and all of her kiddos:) rob and i have not seen her in so long and there is a new little one and we are going to have such a neat time. i am taking a camera so i will post photos.
i love friendship.

faith and action
according to your faith let it be to you
matt 9:29
my promises are of no avail to you except as you apply and appropriate them by faith. in your daily life, you shall be victorious only to the degree that you trust me. i can help you only as you ask. i will meet you at every point where you put action alongside you prayers. only as you walk will the waters of adversity be parted before you. overburdened as the world is with trouble and sickness, i need those who have proved my sufficiency in everyday, personal experience to lead the suffering to the fountains of life. i need those who have found me as burden-bearer to help bring deliverance to the oppressed.
never begrudge time given to chronic complainers, but recognize in each encounter the opportunity to speak a word that may lead to liberation. no case is too hard for me. never be taken by surprise when i use you to change a pattern. do not judge a man by what he appears to be, but see him as what he can be if he gives himself unreservedly to me.

recently i started reading through a very lovely book. the text is so rich and beautiful. i find myself reading every little bit numerous times just to be certain that i don't miss anything. pleasant dreams sweet friends:)

today was a good day but it just turned into an AMAZING day! if you know me, you know that there is no musical genius that i love, love, love more than sufjan stevens. he is so brilliant and if there is one well known person that i would want to sit down and chat with even if only for a couple minutes, easily, it is him:) now i know i don't know him personally and he could turn out to be some kind of strange person...but that's what make shim so grand. he can perform with wings on his back...what other person can pull something like that off with as much class as mr. stevens...exactly:) now, i am not a crazy, i just admire his creativity and the way he expresses it. anywho, i read this article today and am excited! be excited too!

news
SUFJAN STEVENS TO RELEASE THE BQE IN OCTOBER
2009-07-21 | Link

Back in October of 2007, Sufjan Stevens debuted The BQE—a visual and musical homage to the Brooklyn-Queens Expressway—at the Brooklyn Academy of Music's (BAM) Howard Gilman Opera House in downtown Brooklyn. Originally commissioned by BAM for the Next Wave Festival, the BQE featured three simultaneous film projections, a 35-piece band and orchestra, and live hula hoopers for a 3-night run.

One week following the performances, Sufjan and his orchestra went into the studio to record the soundtrack, but afterwards, feeling disenfranchised by the magnitude of the universe, Sufjan decided to shelve the project. Until now. Two years later, Sufjan found inspiration to mix the music, edit the video and expand the project to include photographs, liner notes, a comic book, and a stereoscopic image reel—a multi-media package that attempts to render this much-loathed urban expressway into a conscionable work of art.

The release date is set for October 20, 2009. The double-disc album will include the original film on DVD, the original soundtrack on CD, a 40-page booklet (with photos and liner notes), and a stereoscopic image reel (aka View-Master®), created by illustrator Stephen Halker.

The limited edition vinyl is available as a double gatefold and includes the soundtrack on 180-gram vinyl, a large-scale 32-page booklet with liner notes and photographs, and a 40-page Hooper Heroes comic book.

And on October 24, 92YTribeca will host a release party for The BQE. This will include a showing of the film as well as a performance from string quartet Osso (playing selections from Run Rabbit Run), the recently-announced re-imagining of Sufjan's Enjoy Your Rabbit. Roberto C. Lange (aka Helado Negro) will DJ. Tickets go on sale Thursday, July 23rd for $12 here (link will not work until Thursday).

i, for obvious reasons, won't be able to attend the release party but i am sure it will be grand.
if you are not at all familiar with this fellow's music, get on it.
over and out:)

i can't seem to upload it any other way so until i do, this is it. i can imbed it but if i do it just plays and i don't know that it would make you happy to have it just play every time you come for a visit. i took a gander at this and it made me smile and i think it will make you smile as well. i really want to see it...next week, next week....hopefully.

today is a make a button card kind of day:)

the sunglasses/glasses, that is. pastor john...i call him that, rode in on his bike today and he was wearing these and he looked cool as always and i tried them on and the photo above shows you how they fit. i don't think they are for me but they fit the pastor just fine:) the photo also shows my new bangs, they are from last night and i like them. i have been thinking about them for some time now and last night was the night.

it has been such a nice day and i am really hoping that everyone experienced something eventful. i did. brian and i are at work and this zooey d song came on and brian started doing this special dance and i just happened to catch it.

i have been thinking about it a lot lately. i think about it often but it has been so much more these past couple months. on saturday i played for a conference and a couple times i shared a few different things. one of them was something that has been eating my up. i have been reading this on a daily basis for a number of days now:
³ Trust in the LORD and do good;
dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture.
⁴ Delight yourself in the LORD
and he will give you the desires of your heart.
⁵ Commit your way to the LORD;
trust in him and he will do this:
it has been consuming a great deal of my thinking time. when i am not chatting with someone, or doing homework, or reading a book, or working, i am thinking about this. it reeks of prayer to me and it is something i am really trying to believe. i think one of the biggest problems we all having is talking too much. it is ok if you disagree. but we have this thing where we talk a lot and it ends up being so empty because there is little or no faith involved... i am speaking from personal experience.
back to prayer. delighting oneself in Him, trusting in Him, committing our ways to Him...it isn't possible if we are not spending time with Him. and i am not talking about those already rehearsed prayers we like to throw His way when we just are not in the mood for it, or too busy, or too sleepy, or whatever it may be...ouch...i have done it...i think we all have. there is something so special about just spending time with Him. unplanned and unrehearsed.
i have been finding peace in non-peaceful moments lately, joy in joyless moments, joy in amazingly joyful times, love, and so many others and i know without a doubt that it has something to do with those unscheduled and unrehearsed times that i have been spending with the Creator.
i don't expect anyone to take my word for it because I don't take people's word right off the bat either. i am not the kind of person who believes what i am told...is that bad? i just like to test it out to be certain that it is something i believe for myself, otherwise what good is it for me? you know, if i don't even believe it. it is just something i have been experiencing lately and i don't know that i can give credit anywhere else.
i read this this morning and liked it so much.

August 3rd.
	THE BIG COMPELLING OF GOD
"Behold, we go up to Jerusalem." Luke 18:31 Jerusalem stands in the life of Our Lord as the place where He reached the climax of His Father's will. "I seek not Mine own will, but the will of the Father which hath sent Me." That was the one dominating interest all through our Lord's life, and the things He met with on the way, joy or sorrow, success or failure, never deterred Him from His purpose. "He steadfastly set His face to go to Jerusalem." The great thing to remember is that we go up to Jerusalem to fulfil God's purpose, not our own. Naturally, our ambitions are our own; in the Christian life we have no aim of our own. There is so much said to-day about our decisions for Christ, our determination to be Christians, our decisions for this and that, but in the New Testament it is the aspect of God's compelling that is brought out. "Ye have not chosen Me, but I have chosen you." We are not taken up into conscious agreement with God's purpose, we are taken up into God's purpose without any consciousness at all. We have no conception of what God is aiming at, and as we go on it gets more and more vague. God's aim looks like missing the mark because we are too short sighted to see what He is aiming at. At the beginning of the Christian life we have our own ideas as to what God's purpose is - 'I am meant to go here or there,' 'God has called me to do this special work'; and we go and do the thing, and still the big compelling of God remains. The work we do is of no account, it is so much scaffolding compared with the big compelling of God. "He took unto Him the twelve," He takes us all the time. There is more than we have got at as yet.

this is a bit scattered but it's ok, lovely days ahead:)

i can honestly say it was a terrific weekend but i am so tired...it is the sort of tired that is painful. i knew it was going to be a busy one, i have been anticipating it for quite some time now and have tried to prepare myself both mentally and physically...i don't think i was successful as i am tired in both areas:) as happy as i was to experience it, i am so glad it is over. friday was the busiest day i have had in a very long time but it was also the highlight of my weekend...it was so busy that i literally crashed into my bed and fell asleep within seconds that evening. i don't really remember the process, i just remember waking up saturday morning...still tired:) i worked for 8 hours that morning, went and sound checked for another 2 hours right after work, drove to santa ana, and finally made it home for a little sleep time. i think my favorite part of that day was the sweet little wedding zack and i went to. it was for this really sweet gal and her love and well, it really was so neat. it was held at a place that resembled a spanish mission and it was so homey and all those present seemed like they were having a delightful time. i for one had a delightful time...i can at least speak for myself:) we sat in an area where we could not see the ceremony but we heard it and it was just lovely. afterwards, we were able to sit with two great people, thomas and maria, and i felt so privileged to be able to spend time with them; chatting, laughing, and just enjoying. after the ceremony, i met these two lovely french people, i believe their names are sylvie and philipe(i am almost certain the spelling is off). anywho, they were such a delightful couple. philipe did a fun little magic trick for us. i don't think any of us expected it so once he did it and was a success, we all celebrated, it was such fun:) i met quite a few lovely people that evening and even though i don't think i will be seeing them again any time soon, it was nice to meet them:) i also got this super neat heart bird feeder and what makes it even better in the fact that is is officially being put to VERY good use. a couple weeks ago i noticed a bird's nest close to the front door of mi casa. well, see the photo below:

i hope the birds living there will be happy with it:) what a useful little favor. i was unable to drive home that night due to sleepiness....severe sleepiness at that...zack told me i was mumbling something about birds...something i can't recall:) i didn't get many photos but it was a lovely night. i hope you all have a delightful week to come. i am still tired but i am thinking it will be a good one:)
over and out.