Archive for August 2008

searching for the perfect one...

being sick...

is never fun. especially when it goes on and on and on for almost two entire weeks. i know there are people out there who are ok with being suck for the pure fact that they enjoy being babied... that is not me. last week i think i caught something that was being passed around at work and well, my stomach was hating me for quite a while. people, if you are going to be sick, keep it to yourself. i know sometimes we can't help it but for goodness sake, try! i burned the inside of my mouth and eating has been a painful process for a number of days now. there have been a number of just ugh things for too many days now but i am starting to feel a bit better which is just terrific. AND, my neck, after two terrible days of terrible stiffness, is better.  

feeling sick has a good side= naps and time for reading. i was able to read one of the greatest books i have come across. for those of you who know me well, you know that i am pretty critical when it comes to books, so believe me when i say this book is a must read. i was a little disappointed in myself for having not read the book sooner but better late than never:) franny and zooey is the name and it is a j.d. salinger. the last 10 pages or so are some of the most moving lines i have come across in a long time, perhaps too long.
i am really looking forward to this coming week. to the idea that i might feel better any day now. to knowing that i will be spending time with dear friends that i have not seen in much too long. to reading everyday. i am going to keep a list of all the books i read in this coming year. i want to try for 200. is that crazy? doable? i read three last week so i figure at that rate i should be able to. but i need to stay motivated and i need people to send me book recommendations... only good ones please:) i have been feeling so sad lately because everyone is starting classes or has already begun and i am just here. i am not schooling anymore, well, for the time being, and it is absolutely no fun so i think that is where this 200 books in a year idea came from. i need something to do with my time and what could be better? 
last night i watched this movie. it is called autumn hearts and i HIGHLY recommend it. it i s a beautiful story about Holocaust survivors and their life battles. i wrote a paper on this subject recently and i wish i would have known about the movie at the time of my research. 
anywho, happy labor day... it's tomorrow.

sleeping wrong...

i am almost certain i did that last night. i woke up this morning and felt a little funny. as soon as i sat in my car it hit being pain. this sharp stab ran from the tip of my head all the way down my back but the epicenter was my neck. oh how i hate sleeping wrong. it does not happen often but when it happens it is the most terrible thing a person can experience...ok, not the most but close.
work went well today. i have improved at steaming milk and honestly, it felt so terrific. i am not good at it by any means but just to not have milk all over the place felt so terrific! my boss erika, she is a really terrific gal, and she work with me until i finally some what got what was going on:)
i lost my favorite sweater a few weeks ago and honestly i was quite devastated. i know that makes me sound materialistic but that is not it. i just really liked this one sweater and one day it was there and the next day it was gone. the bowling ally in long beach ate it up:/ anywho, heidi, being the lovely lady she is, replaced it! yes people, believe it or not, there are some really nice people in this world and somehow i am fortunate enough to know quite a few, heidi being one of them:)
tomorrow i have to take my stupid car back to the shop. i was in an accident earlier this year, scared me pretty good, and they were supposed to fix my frame which was causing a problem with my alignment but i guess that never happened because my alignment in still really crummy and it is eating up my breaks:/ sometimes i feel like people do not take their work too seriously and that bums me out.
tomorrow i get to sleep in and hopefully when i wake, my stiff neck will be better and my car crankiness will be gone:)
noapte buna my friends:)


do you every just wake up and think: "jeez, i can't believe that happened..."? me too. like this morning. just in case you were not aware, i am working at this little place in redlands called augies. when i was in school that was the place i loved to read and write papers. those days are over now,  i spend my time on the other side of the counter these days:) i started learning the process of steaming milk at work. it looks something like the photo to the left:

  it was a disaster...i feel like that is an understatement so let me explain. last night i was at work and my boss let me steam soy milk for the first time. it is a tad harsher than the normal stuff but i figured why not. so i was steaming and when i was going to turn the best off (the steamer) i turned the nob the wrong way! milk went flying everywhere. the photo to the right does not capture the greatness of the accident... 
and honestly i felt like this:
There was a group from an unnamed recreational location present, tons of younger people, and well, there was lots of laughing. i could hear it when i went into the restroom to clean up and honestly, i was devastated. i guess perhaps it was humorous but looking back i am still not seeing the humor in it. normally, i could care less about receiving such a reaction but last night, i cared a bit. i am beginning to wonder if i will ever get it right.
today, i am going to finish a book. it was written by richard wurmbrand. he was tortured by communist for staying true to his faith. he was romanian.
when i finish this one, i will start a series of j. d. salingers. beginning with franny and zoey.
today will be a good day. i will get over last night.

another reason that bicycles are the better....

option. because cars cost so much money to fix! my outside lock fell into the door on saturday. today i took it to the shop. it cost way too much to fish it out.


i think i behave terribly. but it is not on purpose. i am sitting here in augie's working on correcting this paper. it is going very well. i got it back from my professor and he liked it. 
anyway, i have this water bottle and somehow water got to the edges so that it started dripping on my face when i put it up to my mouth to drink. i was going to dry it and i think i forgot i was wearing a dress because i began to life my dress up in order to dry my bottle! yikes! thank the Lord that i realized what i was doing before i lifted it any higher! the boy sitting in front of me and the boy sitting at the table next to me started laughing at me... oh well. 
this is sitting nicely on the wall, just above my head. my friend james painted it. he is so incredible gifted in the arts.


on monday night i went on a bike ride. yes it was such a neat experience, but no i will never do that kind of ride on big red again. he is just too heavy for such things. and his heaviness overwhelms me so until i get a new ride built for that type of occasion, count me out.
i have this shirt and i was not able to wear it for the longest time because it had these big ugly diamonds on it...who does that? but the shirt is great so i decided to operate:) i forced the diamonds out and in their places i put two lovely buttons...the shirt is very wearable now:)
naps, i love them. wednesday late afternoon i was preparing for a nap, music and all, and just as i was entering the deep sleep my phone woke me. my nap was cut a little short by a visit out to corona but it was def. worth my while. i heard a really great message about the universe and how great it is and how little we are and how there is a huge Creator out there and so near at the same time who can deal with our little and big issues.
yesterday i woke up at 5:30 to open at augie's. i love that place. anywho, i arrived a tad early so i sat on the sidewalk and started to read and it was soo nice. later on in the day i was talking to someone about michigan and farms and ranches and somehow we got to talking about the cold. she told me that somewhere in canada when you spit, it ices up before it hits the ground! so this winter i want to go to canada, and yes, for the pure purpose of watching my spit ice up before it hits the ground.
yesterday, someone told me that getting an ma in 20th century european history was a bit nerdy and i just smiled. first because this guy and his wife are two of the neatest people and second because i KNOW that is not true:) european history has defined a lot in regard to who we are as humans and why we are not good. if you didn't realize it before just read up a little on this time and you will know. i am not saying we are wholly evil and hopeless. i am just saying that we are not entirely good either...too many people think this. if we are capable of hurting other people, not only physically but emotionally, if we are capable of lying, if we are capable of being mean, how can we be basically good?...we can't. but i am glad there is still hope for us:)
late yesterday afternoon, i finally got my nap. and this morning, i rolled out of bed at 9:15.
happy hours ahead:)

a few simple thoughts before a nap:)

the nap part is a sure sign of least that is what i am told much too often:) the past two weeks have been so long and this afternoon, i will be having much much desired nap and i think i am the only person who knows how truly excited i am about it. i just have these random little things going through my mind so i thought i would post them before i head into a hopefully deep nap time.
let me begin with someone i experienced two days ago. her name is annie and she is the daughter of  the pastor of restoration. it is a wonderful little place just down the street from augie's. she is beautiful. see photos below:)

she was not feeling picture happy but i really don't think it made a difference because she is just so lovely. i met her on sunday night and our initial meeting was not exactly smooth. she gave me this look and it said, "um, maybe just don't talk to me," so i didn't:) monday night was a different story. she came and sat down next to me...i was sitting at a little table in a little alley next to a red wall:) there was a concert taking place in that alley, a blind mandolin  and a jazz ensemble, and i was just waiting when her and her pop walked by. she stood and waited while he went to the car and a few minutes later she came and sat at the table with me. she just sat and smiled and sipped her apple juice, really small sips, because that was the good stuff:)
while the music was going, she just watched and it was wonderful. she seemed so in tune with what was taking place. her name is annie and she has red hair and lovely blue eyes and she is lovely:)
i bought another copy of a book  already own today. i enjoy it so very much. i bought the first copy a little while ago and it is just lovely. i saw it today and decided to buy a second copy just in case someone decides they want to borrow a copy. does that sound strange? it is not a habit, this is the first time i bought a second copy of a book but it seems so worth it because it is a lovely little piece. i like to think of it as a picture book for big people. 
this is it:

i put together a nap time play list- preview:
glen hansard
cat power
sufjan stevens
the beatles
sigur ros
band of horses
she and him
rue royale
the weepies
jose gonzalez
charlotte gainsbourg
fleet foxes
jens lekman
simon and garfunkle
ryan adams
damien rice
and so on... 

i wish i could continue but my mind is telling me that now is a good time to stop. i think i am ready for that nap...
over and out.

a better option:)

so, it hit me today, like every other day that there is a better option for transportation than cars. no it may not be convenient but the cost is a great deal less when it comes to repairs. so you may be asking yourself, "what is this better option?" well, bicycles. i know, i know madness but it has to be true. well at least if you live in a place where you are permitted to use such a form of transportation.
and what makes me say such a thing. today's events. later this afternoon, i set aside some time to get a few car issues addressed. specifically the brakes. they have been driving me absolutely wild. so who better to fix the problem than my little brother joe who knows a little bit about everything, cars included:) so he told me what to purchase and i went on my way. i went to the auto shop, not my favorite place, and went up to the front counter to ask them for the things i needed. the man behind the counter was not very all. i was almost hurt by his lack of customer service but i went on. when he told me the cost, i think my mouth dropped to the floor in surprise. i don't know very much about cars and such, but i had a feeling something was not right about that so i phoned the little brother to get his thoughts on the matter...he was not happy. he said the cost was absurd and i agreed so he sent me to another place just up the street.
this other place, the atmosphere was much different. i was treated so nicely and the man behind the counter was so helpful. AND i bought brake pads with a life time warranty, some brake icing-it looked like cake icing:), five bottles of oil and a filter for less than what i would have paid for one brake pad at the other place.
cars are complicated and expensive but here, they are "necessary" i suppose:)
the brakes are better now but how much cheaper it would be if i could just ride around all day...
flat bicycle tires are cheaper to fix:)
or have usable public transportation. when will the metro run through yucaipa or at least redlands. they have a station there just waiting to be used:)
hmmm...all this to say, i am not much of a car person:)

ps...don't misread this as me being ungrateful. i was very grateful to find a good deal on car things and to get my car in working condition and to actually have a car and so on...

and so it is:)


i like it a great deal. if you must, now would be the appropriate time for a chuckle:) we are all different, i think that is why i like us so much... because not one person is exactly like another. we look different, smell different, and we like different things. and i like paper. i love different kinds. i like to tear the corners of all my sheets because that allows me to see how long or how short the fibers are... that makes a difference between a strong piece and a weak one:) 

anyhow, this morning i was working in the library and my boss came over to show me her latest project. she used the library's printing press to make eighty copies of a beautiful flier for an upcoming event. she actually printed each sheet, one after the other:) she said she learned a life lesson and a most beautiful one at that. the lesson: that we need to slow down! working with a printing press is no easy task. you have to arrange each individual character in the order it belongs and position them in the correct manner so they are not upside down or backwards. she said patience was def. important during the process. you have to move slowly to make sure the work is done well and how true that is in life. some times we just want to get things done as soon as possible. we don't like time. i think sometimes, if we had a choice, we would get ride of time... but truly, i love time. i love enjoying every moment of every day and it is when i don't that life tends to get a bit eh. what a wonderful lesson to learn while playing with paper. the end result was just lovely. she used a beautiful purple ink and lovely paper and it was just terrific. when the printing press man is back, she is going to take me down for a little lesson on printing presses... yahoo!
i really enjoy paper. a few months back i was able to experiment with a really beautiful piece of japanese paper and boy oh boy was it a treat. there is just something so wonderful about paper, the history, the process of making it, the detail, how it can be used, and the list can go on. when i tell people i like paper, they usually respond with, "can't you like something else?" and usually i respond to that with, "i prefer paper, thank you." my boss smiled when i told her i loved paper and that went into a nice little conversation about world papers and paper collectors and stores and such. oh what a lovely conversation it was. i know there are so many things to enjoy, and i really do enjoy so many of them, and paper just happens to be one. 
i wish this is something i would have done at an earlier time but from hear on out, i will be researching every place i go to, to see if they have a thing for paper making and if they do, i will be sure to purchase some:) 
friends, when you visit places, if you think of me, think paper:)
paper, what a wonderful thing... 

random thoughts...

this will probably be a bit long... you don't have to read the whole thing if you don't want to:) anywho, today we went to a funeral. it was a funeral for a woman whom my family has known for 20 years... that is most of my life. she was a beautiful woman who loved the Lord with everything in her and that is something i can remember about her from when i was a little girl. we loved her a great deal. she lost her battle to cancer but she won the bigger battle because last sunday evening, she entered into eternity with the Father whom she loved so passionately during her time here. she never really called me by my name, she preferred "luminita," because that was the name of her favorite niece and she said i reminded her of her niece from the time we met. she is in a better place.

later on in the day i started thinking about random moments from my time in romania this summer and one specific moment came to mind. it was our second morning there and it was really early because my body thought 2:30am was a good wake up time. so, i grabbed my bible and walked into the kitchen. as i was flipping through the pages, i just kept going and going and going until i got to the book of james. i have always really enjoyed james so i read it often but this time, there was a specific verse that my eyes landed on and it goes something like, "religion that is pure and undefiled before God, the Father is this: to visit orphans and widows in their affliction, and to keep oneself unstained from the world." i remember that moment very well, like it was just moments ago. my eyes zeroed in on it and as i was reading it, the words sunk deep into my heart. i remember when i was little, maybe 6 or 7 years old, sitting in front of the television when a certain commercial aired. i remember seeing the tiny girl on the tv, no shoes, dirty, helpless, and i wanted to weep. i wanted to run to her, through the tv, i was a kid, to bring her home, to my home, to love her. i have always had and will always have a deeply special place for orphans in my heart. not for any reason other than that i love them, and because i know that our Father loves them so deeply. when i was 14 years old, i experienced an orphanage for the first time. it was in the slums of mexico city and i still remember their faces, no photos necessary. you just can't forget. they were so beautiful and they loved to love. this past summer brought back many memories for me, of my time in mexico. this summer was one of the most special experiences i have had so far in my life's journey and how grateful i am for it. it is always the most difficult thing to be there and to leave and come home to everything. they have nothing, i have everything. i am still really taking it all in. 
for the past few years, i have been consistent in asking the Father for two things. one, i would really love to return to amsterdam some day. i think i forgot a big piece of my heart there the last time i was there and so, i want to return. i always thought it would be terrific to open a tea house/bookstore in the city. maybe some day. there is a story behind it... it is long but if you ever feel like asking, you should, i will share, perhaps over a cup of tea:)  anywho, the second thing, i want to be more involved with orphans. i want to be involved period, i will take anything. but what i mean is, well, don't you have something your heart just aches for and you can't really explain it but it is there and it just is right? well, orphans, they are that for me. not because i pity them or because i want to save them. no. because they love when people talk to them(they don't care what you look like, or if you are up to date with the latest trend, or so on), and when they are treated like humans too(because they are), and when people love them. that is why, because i think they deserve to be loved just like i am loved. it can be here or somewhere else. i have to focus on the here for now because i am here:) getting involved here, that is.
well, i know this seems incomplete but i think i am finished for the night. 
think good thoughts.

definitely, maybe...

who watches movies on a friday morning? i guess i do:) woke up this morning and for the first time in a reeally long time, i had nothing to do. so, since i rented two movies last night i decided to watch the one i didn't watch last night this morning...yikes, that last sentence was really something, eh? anywho, definitely, maybe was the movie, and i must have really been in the mood for a girl movie because i really thought it was a neat one:) i mean, it is a little man oh man, the way the story goes, but the end was just right. 

off to find fun things to ride perhaps, read a book before the wedding tonight, oh the possibilities are endless:)