Archive for July 2008

i like it so much:)

so, i know this is post number three for is the last one promise. i just thought that this was something worth posting:) after too many months, my sisters and i decided tonight would be a good night to watch penelope. i wanted to see it when it came out, it seemed like one of those movies worth seeing in the theater, but i just couldn't convince myself to take a break from school work to go, so i had to wait.
anywho, it all began with a trip to blockbuster. my sister and i walked over to the "p" movies and expected to find it there but unfortunately there was no penelope. we went up to see if anyone had returned one and we got a "no". so we went to find option "b", which ended up being definitely, maybe...the sister wanted to see it and so did i:)
as we were getting ready to walk over to the check out, one of the employees walked over to us with a copy of penelope! it was brilliant.
as soon as we got home, we had salsa, chips, drink and a movie, so we were ready to go.
the movie, in my opinion, was wonderful. it was so lovely and refreshing and i really enjoyed it. i really just enjoy christina ricci. i don't know if she is a favorite for anyone but i think she is great. and her performance in this film was excellent. there was only one scene that struck a nerve...the scene where it shows his hands playing the piano because the hands were different from the hands in the first scene of him playing. i know, lame, but that was it. the rest was wonderful. and the frosting on the cake...the film ended with the wonderful tunes of sigur ros. so, if you have not seen it yet, you probably should. if you don't enjoy it, it is ok, it might not be for everyone but it is for me.
ps...i really also love the buttons on her coat...i love buttons.



God is good:)
over and out.

a hat...

i received in the mail a little over a week ago. purchased off really neat place. i like wearing it. it will be better in the fall/winter though. my head won't get sooo hot:)

over and out.
ps. if you are reading this, i hope you are having a nice day:)


today, i was brushing my hair and i noticed is getting longer:) 


are my greatest weakness. in all honesty, we don't get along. it is a hate relationship completely. i was sitting at work today just doing the usual when all of a sudden everything started shaking... hard. the darn thing lasted a little longer than i expected and it shook me pun intended. some boxes fell, glass broke, and well, i don't even know where the nearest emergency exit is located in the library. 
anyway, back to this weekend. i don't really say too much about my siblings, which is too bad because i have five and they are all so amazing. yes, i have five:) joe turned 21 a week ago and we had a little celebration for him this past saturday. he is one amazing guy. i have grown so fond of him over the years and i can truly say it has little to do with the fact that he is my brother. i have learned to respect him as a person outside of our one obvious bond. he really loves the Lord. i love listening to him talk because he always has something good to say. sometimes i don't want to hear what he has to say because it might be a little more honest than i bargained for but he always says what he says in love and i really admire that. he is very thoughtful, he is really great at always putting himself in the back seat. he does not expect from people anything that he himself won't put forth. he is very smart too. business minded and i really think he will go to big places. he loves confetti cake...a lot. he is just nice and i am so grateful that he is in my life. what a cool guy... 

another paper update...

it is still not finished. i got an extension and i guess turned into a slacker or something...

so, today is the day...

it was really nice...

getting to sleep in a bit this morning. that is something that i have not done in quite sometime especially  this past week. i have this paper and it has been keeping me up. but i am almost finished. anywho, a few posts ago, i wrote about motivation and this connects to that in a way. this past week as i have been working on my paper, i have really been having to motivate myself. it got to the point that i was verbally telling myself to get it done.."you can do it, lady:)" i know, i know. so, the other night/ was around 2 or so, as i was struggling through the paper and trying to motivate myself, i suddenly stopped and felt ridiculous. i realized a great part of my problem and in that moment i found myself being very apologetic toward the Lord. i don't know how i let it slip by but i forgot to ask Him to motivate me. He is the one who offers true motivation right? so it would make sense to go to Him first. in any situation...even paper writing.i found myself chatting with him and after a little while, with a lot less stress, went back to writing. there was something a bit different about it the second time around.
i think to often we look for motivation in ourselves and really believe that we are capable of doing it on our own. not because we don't want God's help but we think we will just give Him a break for a while since we are fully capable. maybe it is just me. in no time, we end up in a rut of some sort and all of a sudden remember the Creator. 
i guess i was just reminded that we should always be looking to Him first, especially when it comes to something like motivation because He is the creator of it so He knows it best:)
so, during our time in romania we were able to go to this really neat folk festival. everything about was wonderful. the dancing and the music. the big lady with the big voice. the streets filled with different stands with all sorts of wonderful things. the fact that it was in the park. it was  a neat experience. and i took some picture. i know i said i would get around to posting romania photos, so here is the first batch. they are from the festival. i will try to get others up soon-ish...try being the key word. enjoy:)
side note: the first photo is ashley. she was on my team. she did not know this photo was being taken. i will post other team member photos with each batch:)

paper update...

last night...this morning, i went to bed at three...the past my bed time comment in my previous post was an understatement. anywho, the paper is moving along, nice and...slow. i am writing about the issue of survivor's guilt and while it is something i have wanted to write about for so long, i have little motivation for it. the circumstances surrounding this paper where really crummy ones and i suppose those have something to do with my lack of motivation.

i did receive some last night. i just had this bust of energy and i knocked quite a few pages out of the way in the wee hours of the morning. i will finish it before this day is over..even if that means 11:59 pm:)

and...i am still up...

it is way past my bed time. i am one of those in bed by 10:30ish types...yes, i know, that is very old lady of me. anywho, i have been working on this paper, and tonight, i found inspiration. it was nothing but the divine grace of the Lord that got me there. sound cheesy? perhaps, nevertheless, it is the truth. 

i have been reading non-stop...about primo levi and elie wiesel...really great stuff. tonight i watched a pbs documentary on elie wiesel and it was just wonderful. what a peaceful spirit that man has. oh, man, what craziness.
anywho, paper writing when you are not motivated is a complete disaster.
i went to church with my little brother tonight and the sermon was one i needed to hear. i wonder if anyone else heard it the way i did.
maybe i will post it when they post it...
back to writing...

about me...

so, i feel like i am going crazy. my mind can no longer sit still. you know when you feel like you can't sit still, my mind is doing that as i am typing. this paper is just too much right now. i just have a few days to finish it and here i am avoiding it. i have been working on this thing for the past two days non stop and i feel like i am never going to finish...and like i am going crazy. people think i have already crossed that bridge a long time you who think so, i say...psh:)

so i was reading a blog today. it belongs to a girl named kaylyn and well, i only saw her one time in my whole life. that one time was enough to convince me that she is on neat-o gal. she is ultra smart too. so anywho, on her blog, she had this list about herself, all the fun things people would never know unless you actually talked about these things. so, since i refuse to work on my paper for the next few minutes or so, here is my list about things you may not know about me:)

1. my favorite color is brown. really...people tell me that is not a real color and i laugh at is one of the realest colors in the world of colors:)
2. i read a book every 2 to 3 days because i really love to read...a lot, this is an understatement. 
3. my favorite books are books that have to do with wwii and the holocaust, not because i am a sick person, it is because i believe in the pursuit of understanding.
4. i love to walk. especially in the fall because one of my favorite things to do is crunch leaves...the dead ones that have fallen off the branches of course.
5. i like to watch people, not in a stalkerish way. i like to sit and watch because we are so amazingly interesting.
6. i love to drink tea, jasmine tea. 
7. i love listening to people talk about everything and anything. that is the best way to learn. people are so smart.
8. i love junior high school kids. so much. if i could, i would be a jh school history teacher.
9. i bite my nails when i watch intense movies...i always have to have a snack ready or my nails are the first thing to has something to do with the intensity i think.
10. i love horses very much. everything about them.
11. i want to live out in the country some day and i want to own a hill and a few horses and i want a really big vegetable garden...with tomatoes.
12. i don't watch scary movies ever.
13. i love to drive. even if i am not going anywhere. especially when the sun is getting ready to take the great plunge. 
14. i love to sing when i am alone...loud:) i get really nervous when people are around.
15. i scratch the nail polish off my nails when i get nervous.
16. when ever i smell hotdogs/corn dogs, i crave them...but i have never given in to temptation.
17. i can't stand the sound Styrofoam makes when you rub it. i try to never use styrofoam products...they are bad news.
18. i have asthma...i know, you would never know it:)
19. when i was little, i was allergic to grass, i guess it went away:)
20. i like to paint sometimes.
21. i love shoes and purses, they are my weakness. unfortunately, i happen to be an expert at shopping...i am working on it.
22. when it gets late, i like to ride my bike with my hair down. 
23. i love taking photos...i don't do it very much anymore but i really enjoy it.
24. music is one of my favorite things out all of god's creations.  
25. i really like owls: owl prints, owl clocks, owl everything.
26. sweater caps are my favorite clothing accents.
27. i prefer the mountains over the beach...i don't know why, i just do.
28. i like the fact that my best best friends are my sisters and my mom.
29. i have a huge problem with high places...that is why i don't really like flying very much.
30. i sometimes feel like the real world doesn't want to have anything to do with that weird?
31. i love nature, creation, the God who made it al happen. i just love it.
my favorite food ever, well there are two: cheese pizza and brc with french fries...really:)
31. i love friends, just being with them. that is one of my favorite things to do, spend time with my beautiful friends, that is. 
32. i am staring to believe that people are right when they tell me i am not normal... i am not sure if that is a good or bad thing.
33. i do not work well under pressure. if i take my time, i will get the best result.
34. i worry sometimes when i know i shouldn't.
35. i am the worst hula hooper in the world.
36. i like green too.
37. i love libraries a great deal, and museums...sometimes i don't understand why people don't understand why i enjoy them so much...for me, it is common sense:)
38. i really like girl is true. not all of them but every so often, i like to watch one.
39. i really love flowers, especially orchids.
40. my life goal is to write about a book...about what? that is a minor detail.
41. someday, i want to own a rare book store where people can come and read and drink tea.
42. i don't really like computers very much...they are an acquired taste.
43. this is what i think about acquired tastes: if you have to acquire a taste for it, you probably shouldn't eat it.
44. i love to go places, far away places.
45. if i had to choose between hot and cold, honestly, i would pick hot.
46. i don't eat meat.
47. when i get sleepy, i say really awkward things...i laugh later.
48. i get cramps in my hands when i peel potatoes.
49. i have a slight/maybe not so slight case of ocd.
50. i really do believe that we were all created in love and with purpose.

the list could go on and on but i will end it at 50. if you have any questions, don't hesitate to ask:) 

paper writing...

i just finished reading this short essay written by elie wiesel. it is titled ethics and memory and it is a wonderful little essay. this is just one little quote:

memory is related to identity, the two feed one another... to remember is to relive the past if not in its totality then at least in some of its fragments; it is to bring back people and events that have vanished eternities earlier; it is to say no to the sand of time covering the landscape of our being, it is to say no to forgetfulness, no to death.
to remember is to allow the past to move into the future and shape its course. to remember is to acknowledge the postulate that time does leave traces and scars on the surface of history, that all events are intertwined, all gates open to the same truth. to remember is to reconcile justice to dignity, to affirm man's faith in humanity and to convey meaning on our fleeting endeavors.
memory means to live in more than one world and in more than one tie, to be tolerant and understanding with one another, the accept the mystery inherent in questions and the suspicion linked to answers. without memory nothing is possible.
really neat little essay.

this book...

that i am reading is wonderful...really.

today was a really busy day for me. work and after, library. i have to submit my last paper by next wednesday and today it hit me. i need to get the thing done by monday. so, today was work day. aura asked joe to go to bn with her today because she had to purchase a book. he said no. i needed a break so i decided to go. i did not realize we would be so long so while she was looking, i looked as well. i searched and searched and searched for a book and could not find it...because they did not have it. so my search took a turn. i began searching for a book i would just love reading and believe me when i say...i found it! it is truly one of the most beautiful books i have read...and i have not even finished it yet. it is called the principles of uncertainty and it is written by maria kalman and i believe she is a beautiful person. she is jewish and she talks about it in this book. she is beautiful. she has to be. her mind and her heart. you will understand if you read the book, which i highly suggest. i purchased it for a whole 4 dollars and it is worth so much more. i am going to start quoting the book in future posts...because it is so worthy of being quoted. if you find time for a good, delightful...truly delightful read, this is it.
now i have to get back to work.
here are a few photos though...from the book.

JURY is my civic duty...

that is exactly what my older sister wrote to me came in a comment on facebook:) ok, so it is and that is all fine and dandy. but why am i the only person in this country that gets summoned more than once a year? really, this is my second time this year and it is only july. i think they have a list of people they like to torture just because. not because they are bad or anything like that, just because they think it is funny...i don't know.

anywho, i had jury duty today. four hours of sitting and reading and people watching. it was quite the four hours. i sat next to this woman who was on the phone the entire time. she kept chuckling...really, like every minute and a half or so she would chuckle and she really enjoyed saying "hey baby":)...i don't know why. my group was the last to be dismissed. when i was waiting in line to get my pink paper...the one that says you only have to do jury duty once a year...sigh...i need to pay more attention when they are talking, back to waiting in line, there was this little old man in front of me and he was the sweetest person ever. i can't even explain how much i enjoyed his company...i wish we would have had a little more time to chat...i really love old people. jury duty takes forever and i never get to go past the waiting room. i just want to serve, you know what i mean? not waste four hours and go home...
after, i went to victoria gardens...i had to pick something up. i guess when i got to my car, my wallet decided it was going to escape from my purse, meaning yes, i dropped it. i did not even notice until i got home and checked my email. i had a little email titled "you lost your wallet", it was from a very nice man named mark. he wrote me to tell me that he and his partner found my wallet in the parking lot. and they found my email on a receipt and thought they should contact me asap. my jaw literally dropped to the floor. i began to panic just a tad and thought it best to look in my purse just in case it was really some not so good person trying to trick me. i looked in my purse and there was no wallet! oh boy, oh boy. so i called the number in the email and mark answered the phone...super nice man. i got in my car, drove to claremont...without a driver's license...the truth...and knocked on mark's front door as soon as i got there. i know most of you are thinking that was pobably stupid of me but i had to get my wallet and surprisingly, i was feeling pretty at peace about the whole thing...i laughed a bit:) mark was really nice and he gave me my wallet and i just could not believe it. people are not normally so thoughtful. i keep thinking of what the outcome could have been and keep thinking that the Lord really had his hand over this one. how beyond us He is all the time...i think we forget that too often...i think i got a friendly reminder today:)
so, after all the madness, i got home and decided a nap would be the way to go. when i woke up, i had a song on my mind. my voice was not feeling excellent right after the nap but eh. it is called the revelation song. i like this song a lot. it talks about who He is.

jury duty...

i have it today. it is 7 am and in 15 minutes i am out. until that time comes...

Then/ Now/Later
4 Hours ago:
What time was it? 2:57 am.
What were you doing? sleeping...clearly.
Where were you? in bed.
What were you listening to? absolutely nothing.
Who did you see last? i was sleeping.
What websites were you on? i was sleeping.
What television show was on? again, i was sleeping.
What were you drinking/eating? and...i was sleeping:)

What time is it? 7:00 am.
What are you doing? leaving for jury duty.
Where are you? house.
What are you listening to? the sounds of outside?
Who is around you? just me.
What websites are you on? this one:)
What television show is on? i don't know.
What are you drinking/eating? i'm not.

4 Hours Later:
What time will it be? 11:00 am
What will you be doing? jury duty?
Where will you be? san bernardino court house?
What will you be listening to? people sounds?
Who will you see? you never know who you will run into at the court house.
What websites will you be on? none.
What television show will be on? i won't be.
What will you be drinking/eating? water?

i guess now would be a good time to exit the building:)
have a nice day.

pure motives...

today's lunch consisted of : 32 almonds, 1 peanut butter and jelly sandwich(whole wheat bread), 1 nectarine, and 1 bottle of water. i had a good day at work.
yesterday i went to church and the pastor spoke from rev. 20. he spoke about the great white throne judgement toward the end. about how many would try to get on the Father's good side by reminding Him of the good things they had done in their lives...and then He will address their motivation. He will know if a deed was done out of goodness or if it was done with a catch attached to it. that really got me thinking. actually, i spent all of today thinking about why i do things. and why people do things. 
yesterday, i was talking to my little brother and he was telling me about this girl he met, how is not important. anyway, in her past she used to cut her wrists. she has not done it in a while so her scars are beginning to fade which to me sounds like a good thing. well, he was telling me that she wants to cut again so that her scars will come back so that it can continue to be part of her testimony. i don't know how i feel about that. why does she feel motivated to keep such a dark thing in her life. those scars are not the only thing that keep her testimony alive but for some strange reason she seems to think so.
anywho, i was thinking about serving others and why we do it. right before i left for my trip to romania i went to a homeless shelter to serve food. if there is one thing i don't like it is meat. it's not for me. well, meat was the big item on the menu for the meals we prepared. i almost didn't do it. i felt really sick...the smell, looking at just isn't for me. then, i was reminded why i was there in the first place. meat is not something that many people get and it contains some really important nutrients for folks who can't manage a healthy vegetarian diet. i remembered that my motivation for going in the first place was to help out and when the meat came along, it almost became about me. oh man, really just think about your motivations. why do we do what we do? do we give only because we have the expectation of receiving? do we help because we know people are watching? and this list can go on forever. 
so today i checked my motivation. seriously, even in my thoughts i thought about the motivation behind the thoughts. i really need to keep this up...
because i want to know that my motivations for my life choices are pure and true and not with any expectations or anything like that and that when i am with the Lord, He will will know the same.  i don't know if this stuff makes sense. i guess i just don't want to be motivated by superficial, unimportant things.  i want to be motivated by love.

a whole lot of good...

my heart has been a little weary these past few days. i have been really needing to rely on the peace of the Lord to get me by. i know that sounds so down and depressing and well, perhaps it is, but it was an opportunity for me to really lean on the Creator of the universe. sunday night at church, pastor greg showed a few clips on the universe and cells...he was trying to show us how crazy creation really is. to show us maybe how big the mind of God really is and how even though He was able to create an entire universe...really big mind...out of all of creation, He still loves us, people, the deepest. talk about overwhelming. 

i find myself concerned sometimes. i think we all do. concerned that maybe God might be confused or something. i know that sounds so wrong and that is because it is. i always think He does everything too last minute or just flat out wrong. funny eh? when i was in romania, i heard this one thing over and over in my mind and in my heart..."I am NOT last minute!" i knew where it was coming from. and after came the, "just relax." and so, i am trying. i am going to try to release all of my concerns.
today was really good for me because all of my plans were flushed down the toilet. yesterday, someone told me plans are for losers.... i tend to be a planner. well, today, my plans were stripped from me completely. maybe, this is a lesson coming my way. i went in to work today and left feeling sick. really unexpected. i spent the afternoon thinking loudly unto the Lord:) after, i got ready and headed out to riverside for some good quality time with janell and robyn. plans changed there too, a whole lot. i ended up having dinner with robyn at this little mexican place in downtown riverside. originally, i should have been in corona with dorothy. plans change. i left riverside feeling pretty crummy. i know it sounds like my day really sucked and yah, i guess it sounds like it did but it really didn't. i was able to spend the evening with robishka in a cool little place just chatting. we talked about orphans a lot and should def. read james 1:27...they are in the heart of our Creator. i will blog about that tomorrow.
sorry for the scattered thoughts...

this morning's read...

was a really good one. as some of you know, i have been having serious issues with jet lag...this morning i woke up at 8am:) anywho, as soon as i woke up i picked up this book i love to read is my little brown bible. i am reading in proverbs and this morning, proverbs 3 was the place i found myself in...what a good place it was for this morning. this is going to be a little long because i want to type out the whole thing...just in case you find that you are too lazy to pick up your copy:)

"my son, do not do not forget my teaching but let your heart keep my commandments, for length of days and years of life and peace they will add to you. Let not your steadfast love and faithfulness forsake you; bind them around your neck; write them on the tablet of your heart. So you will find favor and good success in the sight of God and man.
trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make straight your paths. Be not wise in your own eyes; fear the Lord, and turn away from evil. It will be healing to your flesh and refreshment to your bones. 
Honor the Lord with your wealth and with the first fruits of all your produce; then your barns will be filled with plenty and your vats will be bursting with wine. 
My son, do not despise the Lord's discipline or be weary of his reproof, for the Lord reproves him whom He loves as a father the son in whom he delights.
blessed is the one who finds wisdom and the one who gets understanding for the gain from her is better than gain from silver and her profit better than gold. she is more precious than jewels and nothing you desire can compare with her. long life is in her right hand; in her left hand are riches and honor. her ways are of pleasantness and all her paths are peace. she is the tree of life to those who lay hold of her; those who hold her fast are called blessed.
the Lord by wisdom founded the earth; by understanding He established the heavens; by His knowledge the deeps broke open, and the clouds drop down the dew.
my son do not lose sight of these- keep sound wisdom and discretion, and they will be life to your soul and adornment for your neck. Then you will walk on your way securely, and your foot will not stumble. if you lie down you will not be afraid; when you lie down your sleep will be sweet. do not be afraid of sudden terror or of the ruin of the wicked, when it comes, for the Lord will be your confidence and will keep your foot from being caught. do not withhold good from those to whom it is due, when it is in your power to do it. do not say to your neighbor 'go and come again, tomorrow i will give it'-when you have it with you. do not plan evil against your neighbor who dwells trustingly beside you. do not contend with a man for no reason, when he has done you no harm. do not envy a man of violence and do not choose any of his ways, for the devious person is an abomination to the Lord, for the upright are in his confidence. the Lord's curse is on the house of the wicked, but He blesses the dwelling of the righteous. toward the scorners He is scornful, but to the humble He gives favor. the wise will inherit honor, but fools disgrace."

i bolded a few passages that really stood out to me. it was a good reading for me this morning...

jet lag two...

this morning i woke up at 6:30! hooray! i know, why would any normal person be jazzed about waking up at 6:30, but if you were aware of my sleeping pattern since coming home, you would understand:) 

jet lag...

i am experiencing it to the fullest. i got home from romania on saturday night and since that time my sleep has been completely miserable. i have been getting super tired super early, like before 8. and my body decides that 4:30 is a terrific time to start the day. like yesterday for example. i woke up thinking it was time to start the day but it was really dark and when i checked my phone for the time, it was 4:45am. so i woke up and did my budget sheets for my trip. tons of fun...

last night the sleepy bug bit during church...ugh... my drive home was probably the most miserable because, well, i was ultra sleep. this morning i woke up at 4:30...
body, readjust already!!!