walking next to you...

of abandonment. i read this today and i think we all go through this. we should always be living with the mentality that we must decrease in order that He may increase. this is probably one of those things that we like to think makes the most sense but really it doesn't. i read a friends blog a couple days ago and she wrote something very enlightening. she wrote that sometimes the light at the end of the tunnel, is an oncoming train. and how true. sometimes we are looking for that angelic light to come closer, we are so desperate for it. but it ends up being a train and it's coming a million miles per hour and we are not prepared for the wreck. i think learning the ways of abandonment, decreasing so that He may increase, is more like the million mile per hour train. 

but sometimes we have to just experience the wreck. we have to because it is the only way that He can get us to make a move. we can't avoid it so let the train hit and let Him pick up the shattered pieces. when He picks up the pieces, He will get a say in how they are are placed together...i read something else the other day, it come from a book that a dear friend is reading...i discovered i own the book. what a shame that i have not read it as of yet. the passage reads:
"How damaged we are or how far wrong we've gone doesn't make a difference to Him. Our vileness does not alter His character. He is eternal love - the same yesterday, today, forever. We are not what He wants us to be, but we are not unwanted. If we will have Him, He will be our Shepherd."
the part that really stood out was that we are not who He wants us to be. that is so true. i know i am not who He wants me to be, so at times he will bring a train my way, and it will crush me, and after, He will restore me... because i am not unwanted. unworthy yes, but not unwanted.

I read one other thing:
"We readily forget God's 'resting place,' and wander away. Yet He pursues us wherever we go, with no complaint of the darkness, the cold wind, the heavy burden, the steep hill or the thorny path over which He must pass to rescue one lost sheep. His love does not count time, energy, suffering or even life itself."

sometimes we get consumed by life and we forget that there is a resting place in our Redeemer. we do, i do at least. i get so worked up and stressed and you name it. that is when i have to seek His resting place no matter the cost. i cannot be a light to any one if i am living in the darkness of selfishness, disobedience, and the list goes on. 

all that to say, i don't fancy this abandonment scenario. it is too big of a train at times and knowing that you are going to get hit sucks. you want to turn and run the other way, but your foot is stuck in the track so you can't. but it is on purpose that our feet get stuck in the tracks. it is for the bettering of our character, our hearts, our souls. we have to be willing to be wrecked sometimes, probably all the time because in the end, we receive the most beautiful gift, we are not only restored, but in a way we are made new and we become more prepared so that one day when the train comes, we will look it in face and be ready for the hit...or maybe we will never be ready. 

my favorite scripture is found in psalm 37... delight yourself in the Lord and He will grant you the desires of your heart. commit your way to the Lord, trust in Him, and He will act. be still before the Lord and wait patiently for Him. when the train is coming be still, when it hits, be still, when he is putting the pieces together and it is just the most painful experience, be still. 

and just past the train wreck, one can actually see the end of the tunnel, and there is a light coming in. it is that light we were looking for, craving, in the beginning. it is there, we just have to concur the wreck.

i think sometimes, God must feel like what he is singing.

everything about her is what i want to be right now.