walking next to you...

counts! i am really starting to appreciate that little saying that we all use too often but don't really live by. it's ok, we are all guilty of it, i am sure it is safe to say:) this is my first free moment in a while and i am sitting in prep period writing:) but i want to, because i like to, and it has been so long.

first off, if i have not responded to an email, i am so sorry. i have every intension of getting back to you, i promise, it is just so hard to sometimes. especially this week. this week, i woke up feeling like i had been hit by a fast bus/train/ship/space ship---everyday. i know that sounds like a bad thing, and in some ways it is, BUT not entirely. i didn't fall apart into a million pieces. i had to go one step at a time but why is that a bad thing? it isn't.

i will begin with last weekend. something good happened, something encouraging, something that moved me. i had a click, and it was in the right direction. there is this thing called ccc that happens here on campus and i am going to get to be a part of it and my heart is so excited about it. on sunday night, Joel, from church, and i had the opportunity to speak and lead music for the students who live on campus. nervous doesn't really capture what i was feeling. i just knew that they would be walking into my classroom on monday morning. and on top of that, i was coming out of the closet...i know that sounds funny, but i was. they didn't know my heart and getting up in front of them and declaring my love for the Creator was like coming out of the closet for me. there were so many emotions involved but it was so wonderful. they sang and clapped and there were some dancers! they love to dance:)

i felt a shift that night. i went to barns and noble with marlena and we just talked about how i never expected this kind of opportunity upon coming here but it was here, waiting for my arrival. i went back to my little apartment and sat with toby and talked to the Lord. just kinda talked to Him, not in a crazy way, if there even is such a thing. i just needed to, so i did. that shift, it was/is the Lord stirring up my heart. my heart for Him, for young people, for the nations, for life, for music, for knowledge, for everything. He started to stir and it is wonderful.

this week, i cried some. tears of exhaustion:) if it isn't one thing, it's another, ahahaha:) but the Lord was there with me. He just kinda pushed me along and i really needed Him to do that. BUT the crazy thing is, this week has probably been one of my favorites since arriving. i don't know how that works but it does. i made some wonderful progress. i am nicer to myself. i LOVE my students. they make me smile even on my rough, rough, rough days. that is so nice. it makes everything worth it. the students do, that it. sometimes i wonder if they are aware of how special they really are, i hope so.

i got to spend time with people, i love son of rambow...if you have not seen it, seriously do watch it:), and feel a little more plugged in and even get some really neat unexpected opportunities to do things that i love...i will write about that when the time comes.

tonight, i am going to get to slep. and tomorrow...brightlight:)

happy weekend, my friends!

this morning. it made me want to jump out of my skin...but in a really good way! wow, wow, wow. i love when that happens:) also, it was cool this morning...first sign of FALL??? i sure hope so:)

walking to class at 5am is a wonderful thing. i wake up super early these days so that i can be in the classroom early enough to get things done. it is still dark out and all you hear are the sounds of nature. they are many here. and one other thing. there is always a subtle breeze and last week or so, these wonderful flags were placed in the inner circle of the campus. well, the breeze moves them and they all make this wonderful sound together. the flags combined with nature ends up creating something really nice. and i like walking into it as it is happening. i always stop by the caf after i drop my books off to get a little something to munch on but also because the ladies that work in there make my heart smile:) the breeze seems to always die down with the rising of the sun. but i know i have something to look forward to even when that happens because the new school day is about to begin. happy tuesday. you are here with great purpose, live like it. cheers!

i had to just write about something really quick:) there is nothing more satisfying than walking around the classroom and listening to your students work together. two of my classes are creating their own countries, government systems and all. tomorrow they are presenting and i couldn't be more excited because today i walked around and listened in and they are brilliant. the ideas they have, the constitutions they put together. they are high school students! BUT they are very unique. rare.

happy monday indeed. the Lord is so good:)

i decided to blog a bit this afternoon because it is only going to get busier as the day goes by and since i have free time, i will blog before hitting the books:) this weekend i have the opportunity to spend time with tons of Montverde students and there are quite a few. the academy has a senior retreat for students and their advisors and since i am a senior advisor this year, i got to join them. ad i am SO glad i did.

last night, there was a little complication on our way to vero beach so we arrived a little late but the students handled it so well, even though it was hot and they were so sleepy and hungry and thirsty. i felt proud of the way they handled it. as soon as we arrived, we went straight to dinner and into meetings so i didn't get to my room until late but i found the nicest surprises once i made it to the room. first, the room itself is lovely and my roommate is so wonderful, her name is jen:)

second, there was this little guy:) a little towel turtle. he was just on my bed when i walked in and i snapped a photo.

last night, the students were given college information and when all was said and done, they had a bit of free time so they all headed down to the beach! it was so dark but you were able to see their cell phone lights and the stars were breathtaking. the talk about shuttle launches came up and well, i was a bit jealous because i have always wanted to experience one and they get them here all the time...maybe i will get to see one. hopefully.

this morning came quickly. i stayed up a little longer last night but i am glad i did because i had such a nice conversation with Jen. she is a really nice gal:) when we got to breakfast, these little guys were on the table.

the soccer ball was a plus considering a good chunk of the student body is comprised of athletes:) after breakfast, the most amazing thing took place. the students had an entire morning/afternoon of team building activities and well, it could have been a disaster but it so wasn't. the students did such a brilliant job. i couldn't believe how well they worked together and how full of encouragement they were. seriously, this morning was one of the funniest mornings, neatest mornings, of my life. i have experienced a few beautiful moments in my life, ones that are just sorta stuck with me and i like that. i have experienced some funny ones as well and that is so wonderful. but when you have 80ish american and foreign students working together, it is fire and ABSOLUTELY unforgettable:)

they had different stations set up all around and they split the students up. that was nice because it gave them the chance to meet students they may not have met otherwise. the students at this school, they are like no others. i promise. i find myself so overwhelmed with teaching and getting a handle on things but these students, they just ease that. their hearts are so beautiful and they are so funny and not perfect by any means but so good and pleasant. that shined through so crazy this morning. i felt a bit emotional at times seeing them work together and accomplish such neat goals. and they had fun. and we teachers had fun. it was/is good. i feel so grateful.

i am getting such a neat opportunity to invest my time into these students and i want to make sure that i do it and wholeheartedly. i just want to. they are here and their families aren't and oh my gosh, they deserve to have so much love. you would completely understand and agree if you were in my place, i promise.

this one was one of my favorites. the blindfolded students were being led by the seeing ones. they had to pick up the bucket with the stuffed animal on it. they used the bungee chords and they had to move them without dropping the animals. they did so good! the last one was constructing a tower and that made them shine because they came up with some pretty amazing stuff. if i have not mentioned this before, these guys are brilliant....seriously.

i had a conversation about music with a student yesterday and one with another student today and those conversations made my heart race. some of them here really have the right idea about music and oh my goodness, it is so exciting.

some of the students---hilarious. seriously.

"we goin to gradu-a-a-a-tion!"

"hey, hey...they said we can use the blocks for some weird stuff..."

"we have trust! we have loyalty! we have community! we have communication! we ARE family! yeah! yeah! yeah!" this one sort of made me cry and laugh a bit:)

we had a bit of free time where we were able to go down to the beach. the students had such a nice time. i spoke to one who told me ha has only been to the beach five times in his life because he is from switzerland. i couldn't believe it but it is not just him, i am certain of it. this is such a neat weekend for them.

today was ocean inspired feasting. sushi for lunch and dinner tonight was crazy. there was a huge platter covered with oceany things. it was quite intense and yes, i tried some. BUT it was not for me. nope. not the crab. not the shrimp. and i couldn't go near the clams or the muscles. you can tell the texture is wrong just by looking at them. but it was so neat and everyone else love it:) and the dinner company....it was perfect!

tonight they voted on their class leaders, on their t-shirt design, on senior privileges. they sat together and decided on things together. it has just been such an amazing time. i have not been able to get too much work done BUT i have had such an amazing time regardless because i am getting to know the students and the terrific people i work with. sometimes it is ok to take time for things like this---because they matter. this is going to be a challenging chapter. it is going to be an amazing chapter.

the night is ending with---karaoke:)

last night i bought colored pencils. 6 packs to be exact:) from target. they are getting to know me there and i just smile about that. anywho, last night the checker asked me what i do and for the first time i responded...i am a teacher. and i didn't think about it, it just slipped out. and i heard myself, really heard myself, and it made my heart beat a little quicker than usual:)
i can't wait for the coffee shop to open. i need to find my place. and i think that might be it. or that really fun french cafe:)

senior retreat this weekend. i am really looking forward to it:)

happy weekend.

music of the week:

frou

sigur ros

dirty projectors

sufjan

mumford

cranberries

bellarive

five iron frenzy...:)

and some really good other stuff

i feel like i am going to have to start taking every chance i get to write a little because it is just going to get busier and busier:)

i just have two things...and they are both, well, nice.

first, toby is so cute. but he keeps me up at night. the past two nights he has been so sneaky. he will fall asleep at my feet and in the middle of the night he will wake me up by currling up on my head and if not that, he has this thing for my nose...he likes to lick it while i am sleeping:) he did it last night and i woke up laughing.

second, i saw the most wonderful rainbow today. and that was so encouraging to me. and on the other side of the sky was the sun peaking through the clouds. and the song that was playing was perfect. ok, and seriously it made me think of that double rainbow youtube video:) so i laughed. lena, caleb, and i watched it a few nights ago. and a bonus, i got to walk into the new shop today. it is huge and the layout is just right. matthis and suzanne did so good:)

that's it:)

how do we determine what a person is? what they will be? why do we get to determine that? we don't. it is sad when we choose to be people who give most of our time away to judging people. not loving them, judging them. i know sometimes we like to think we are being loving by letting people know where we stand on who they are, what they are doing, etc, etc, but we have it all wrong. we need to work on that i think. we should just see so much value in life and i think we just suck at that sometimes. just loving people just to love them. love with no condition. love with forgiveness. love with no selfish motivation. love without judgement. love with respecting unique qualities. love with just love. love in its purest form. today, the pastor said that if we are unable to forgive, perhaps that means we have not tasted the forgiveness of our Father. ok, maybe not in those words exactly, but that was the gist of one of his thoughts:) if we are unable to love people or are just not into that or whatever, how do we taste God's love? idk. just a thought.

this just made me think of moulin rouge:) you know---all you need is love, all you need is love, all you need is love:)

he is home. a week and a half ago a teacher from the school rescued three very sweet kittens and they needed homes and when i found out i got on it so quick. i had been thinking about getting a kitten and one came to me instead:)

he came late last night and boy oh boy is he the sweetest little kitten. he is so tiny and so fun. he cuddled with me all night long and kept licking my nose so i couldn't sleep. church was just a bit painful this morning due to the lack of sleep but it was a good service nonetheless:)

he is going to be a good addition to my life here in montverde:)

happy sunday:)

last night i was sitting outside and the mosquitos came after me so i have a few itchy spots here and there. well, today during 4th period, i reached down to itch my leg and something felt a bit off. my dress felt really thick and tight or something. i pulled it up a bit since it is floor length(a student asked me if i purchased it in california...he said it looks very california... idk:) and to my surprise, it wasn't my dress at all! i forgot to take my jammy pants off this morning and i was in such a frenzy(sleep didn't happen for me last night) that it took until 4th period for me to even notice... and it was due to an itch:) i accidently slipped a little smile/laugh while they were quizzing but i didn't share my story with them obviously:)

hope your day is happy:)

two things. i seem to still be suffering from jet lag which is such a crummy thing or it is something else. i don't know. but i am up nonetheless which is ok i suppose considering i am going to wake up soon anyway. this post is going to be very specific.

secondly, i just checked my email a few minutes ago and my blog lets me know when i get comments now so that i can approve them or disapprove them. this wasn't always the case but it is now. let me tell you why. quite some time ago, someone left a very inappropriate comment on one of my posts. one that i love and it really upset me. i think something similar happened to a sweet girl i know, and jeez louise it is just so not ok. it is a blog, people. i know this might be silly but this is a place where my family and friends come to read about the happenings of my life, so why leave such ickyness?

well, it worked because it was a one time thing....until this morning:/ sometime in the night, i got another inappropriate comment and i am going to assume it is from the same individual because i remember the last time pretty well and well, you know a person's writing, especially in this case. i am not a confrontational person normally. not in person, not via the interweb. if you know me, you know that for the most part, with just a couple exceptions, i will take hurtful things and meanness and not address it. i will allow people to hurt me, stab me in the heart, and take it. there is good and bad in that. most of the time it is just not worth it.

the first time, i let it go, this time, i am going to address it. clearly, you read this person, so this is for you:

i am not going to judge you because that isn't my place, but your actions say things about you, even in something as silly as comments. i think it is really sad that you think it is ok to say/write such horrible things on such a public thing. if you write them, maybe you say them, and maybe it is what is in your heart. no eyes but mine saw it but others could have. my family, my mom:( jeez. i think it is so sad that you are even capable of thinking such things. if you don't know me, you should be able to see by my blog, that i clearly mean no harm. i am pretty simple and nice and even fun, not to toot my own horn. if you know me, which i am going to hope you don't, shame on you. i have not said shame on you to any person in my life unless i really meant it so it has been used rarely and it is strange to use it in this way, but shame. because if i know you, i know myself, and i know i have not treated you poorly because i don't make a habit out of having a poor attitude towards anyone, even in tougher situations and if it happens, my apologies are made due to my conviction.

if you have no conviction about what you wrote, i am sorry for you. i am sorry that you could potentially be ok with tearing another person down by the things you write and potentially say. we are all created so beautifully. so uniquely. by a creator who is a true artist and for one person to be able to tear another person down without any remorse is a horrible thing. it is. life, people, is/are so valuable and i just feel like we shouldn't be wasting our time doing horrible things...especially on a blog...seriously.

i don't feel hateful towards you, just sad for you. you should not do it again please. just say no to yourself. i love when people leave me comments, so if you have a nice one, leave it, if you don't, keep it. don't be a raw herring(probably my most unfavorite thing).

thanks...

ps...on a lighter note, it isn't ruining my day. i am giving my first quizzes tomorrow and today we will prep. fun times ahead:)

since i have a lot of work to do these days, i listen to quite a bit of music. it is hard to just sit and listen to music sometimes, we are always on the go. but these days, i lesson plan, so i have time... the only problem is getting distracted when i purchase new music:) i have been listening to the new weepies today and if you haven't introduced it to your ears yet, you really should, i promise. i found them in college, the first song i heard was somebody loved, i fell in love with there music. that was that. an ear/eye feast for you:)

sufjan, angus and julia, decemberists, arcade fire, all had play time this week:) i am so grateful for music.